


don't know

by CathyMissKillua



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Falling In Love, Femslash, For Me, I Made Myself Cry, I cried while writting, It's about me seriously, Just Peridot suffering from love, Love, My baby is hurt - Freeform, Pain, Peridot is helpless, Pery Iove u, Sad Peridot (Steven Universe), Suffering, everything sucks, lapidot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28637073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CathyMissKillua/pseuds/CathyMissKillua
Summary: She wasn't perfect. But for her she didn't have to be.All Peridot wanted was to be with her blue bitter-sweet princess.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli & Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Peridot & Steven Universe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	don't know

It didn't hurt. Did it? 

She didn't even know that properly. Everything she knew was Steven and his crazy friends were gone. They left her. 

And yes! She wanted it. She already found out the greatest place to live by herself. An adorable gem like her couldn't feel lonely, yeah? 

Like, it wasn't just a single episode of loneliness, all of the time when she was working, studying of the Earth, being absolutely surprised by this amazing planet, she was feeling that gross pain in her chest. 

Peridot missed something. 

It was rather like wasting time for pitifully emotions with no reason. Before some time she even stopped arguing with herself. It started to be a part of her. Of her mind, feelings and cute-crystal being. 

Until that day. 

For some reason it changed in the blink of an eyein the blink of an eye. She didn't even notice it at the beginning. It was quick like lighting. Maybe because she was the light. 

Lapis Lazuli was the brightest gem Peridot ever met. Her blue skin was shining like the sky adorned with millions of tiny stars. Her curly locks of indigo hair was waving similar to reflection of the sea's bottom. 

And her eyes. 

In her gaze Peridot was seeing tiny trees and shining rays of the sun between the leaves, but it wasn't a perfect painting of one of those terrible earthly painters. It was the sadest forest living in the sadest gem's iris. 

Lazuli didn't like her new noisy roommate. She tried to ignore green crystal all the time, but it was rather hard when this cute bubble girl was jumping around and shouting silly words. 

But even if Lapis was unkind and she always had this sorrowful eyes Peridot still tried to know her better, to be with her, to look at her. 

Because Peridot probably was some kind of fool masochistic gem who couldn't got that she wasn't welcome. But Steven understood these messy feelings in her mind and started to be... him. 

Everything seemed to be okay, they were talking, watching series and even laughing when something went wrong. The garden was growing but the forest in the bitter-sweet eyes was still the same. 

Generally, Peridot was enjoying that times but from time to time she was noticing that she was feeling something more. Something more than just delight and occasionally shame when she was doing stupid things. 

Peridot was a little timid being (she was even looking like cute kiddy, and she knew how to use it) so telling about affection for another gem was too hard especially when she wasn't even sure what she exactly was thinking. 

So Peridot was crying, screaming and she hid her heart, closed her eyes and turned her head away. 

Green iris hid behind a curtain of dark eyelashes to just not look at perfect blue princess. Not show anything. 

Everyone was trying to help, to understand why their relationship end so suddenly, but Lapis was as silent as always. It was Peridot who seemed to break something. She was shining with regret and guilt. 

She wished not to care about all of these days, these smiles, these... 

She was just blushing and keeping silent between they. It worked. It really worked, Lazuli didn't try to fix it anymore, didn't try to talk. She didn't even look at Peri. 

However, things couldn't be perfect all the time (don't get it wrong, she never said that anything was perfect, what is more, it was the most imperfect life she could ever dream of). 

It was an accident. That day was so hard, full of awkward moments and silly blushes. So when Peridot saw Garnet she started to cry. It was one of these moments when she didn't know why she got it that emotional, but it was enough to look at smiling Garnet. Her fusion was more than ideal. Sapphire and Ruby were totally a well-matched pair. 

Peridot could only dream about it. She knew that Lazuli spent a long time under the ocean in a forced terrible fusion, and it must be a traumatic experience. Peri couldn't understand how Lapis endured it. For sure, she didn't want to know. 

She had her hard times even if the others didn't notice it. Well, till she started crying in the random moment. 

Pearl was too surprised to do anything but the rest jumped to her with those horrible worried faces. Peridot had no choice. She had to tell them anything. That's why she ran away with no words. 

But if she had known it would end up bumping into Lapis she would never have done it.

Peridot's big eyes were filled with tears when she looked up biting her lip. She smiled awkwardly and tried to run away again but this time she was caught. Caught by a stormy wind disrupting order in a sleepy forest. She can't move, just sobbed, swallowing salty tears and clenching her little fists. Her knees trembled and after a while she crumpled to the ground closing her treacherous eyes. 

Lazuli was still quiet watching Peri with consternation. She knew that things weren't going well lately, but she didn't realize Peridot is in such a bad shape. The green gem was always in good mood, running around, admiring the dumbest things and being so adorable. She couldn't be like that! Like... Lapis. 

However, what an ordinary blue gem (which didn't know any emotions at all) could do? Everything she felt was painful and horrible, so she thought it was impossible for her to comfort anyone. But she was wrong. Only she could help Peridot. Being with her would be enough. 

Peri knew that. It was the only thing she knew for real. Maybe it was the reason why she took a dip breath, opened her eyes and hugged Lapis. 

She decided it was the last time she was crying. She had to tell Lazuli anything and at this moment she didn't even care about the results. 

"I love you, Lapis" cried the green gem. 

Peridot clenched her little hands on her T-shirt and she turned her head away, but she didn't start crying. It wasn't necessary. Not anymore. 

Because Lapis Lazuli understood. She hugged small girl back with all her might. 

"I didn't love you. I can't-" she whispered. 

"I know! But I can't stop! I-" Peri gritted her teeth and she took another deep breath. 

The green gem sat on her heels and hid her face in hands. She didn't know what should she said. It was hardest she ever expected. 

"Peridot?" a soft voice cut through the silence. "I'm good with this. You don't have to change. You can't change! Please- Please be like always."

It was hard to breathe. It was hard to think clearly and not cry when Lapis was talking things like these. It probably was the nicest thing she had ever heard from her. 

The smile that appeared on Peridot's face was like the light of the rising sun after a long night. It was good. They were good. So as long as she could love Lapis and just be with her, it had to be good. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> It's my first time here so I don't know how it works properly (and I hope I can edit it later).  
> I hope you enjoyed this story, because it's also my first time writing in English. 
> 
> For an explanation:  
> Lapis has PTSD so she cannot love Peri and the little green gem knows it, she know Lapis like no one else.


End file.
